He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
