Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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