mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
