blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
