Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize