i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
