they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
