You can't motorboat a personality
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
