now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
