Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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