He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
