New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
