imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
