If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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