glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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