she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
