I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
