dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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