I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
