His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
