Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
