i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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