Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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