It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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