I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
