mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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