Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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