**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your dad touched me again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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