i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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