ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
