Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize