This girl is more easily done than said...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
