i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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