the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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