oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
