I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
