drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
