come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
