boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
