i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
