420 ftw
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
