dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
