we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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