i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
