oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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