I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
