Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
