after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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