'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
