i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
