guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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