I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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