ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
