I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
