What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
