Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
