Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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