Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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