everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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