Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers

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(530): View more from California

shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

(1-530): View more from California

just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

(530): View more from California

yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

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(916): View more from California

i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...

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(206): View more from Washington

Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.

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