This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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