wakey wakey hands off snakey
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
