grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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