Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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