now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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