Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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