dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
