We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
