make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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