brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
