listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
