SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
