so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
honey bunches of taint.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
