Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
