I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize